Understanding Women- An Oxymoron

[bhoven]

Something I received:

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)


HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)


Now what chance do you have???


--

[bhoven]

Dating With Different Type of Girls

Here's a summary about what you should expect when dating with chicks from different races.

Chineses Meimei



First date
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Again, Nothing Happens!

Third date
You usually don't get up to third date because you are smart enough to realize that
nothing is ever going to happen.





INDIAN MINACHI



First date
Meet her parents.

Second date
Set the date of the wedding.

Third date
Wedding night.





MALAY MINAH


First date
You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third Date
She moves in.
One week later, her father, , her 4 mother, her 18 sisters, her 20 brothers, all of their kids, her 16 grandmas, her father's girlfriend's mother, her 268 cousins all move in.

But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times. ;-)





WHITE MARY


First Date
You both get drunk and have sex.

Second Date
You both get drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary
You both get drunk and have sex.





ARAB AL-KATIJAH



First Date
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.

Second Date
You are shot dead.

Third date
Not Applicable

haha...thks for sharing...interesting infos

[teapot]

Sad but true, nice one bro

[Raidster1]

good one

[city man]

Thanks for shareing with us. good info.

[XX26]

I still prefer Chinese Mei Mei ...

[Castrol]

Originally Posted by bhoven

.

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

this reminds me of army time.

[HY1209]

Totally agree with the point system
Cheers

[bhoven]

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

[bhoven]

MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED


Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from
such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The
garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can
be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear
a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt
to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The
world is your urinal. You never have to drive to
another gas station restroom because this one is just
too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which
way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux
rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when
you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You
know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You
get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he
or she can still be your friend.


Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs
of shoes, (brown and black) are more than enough. You
almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on
your face stays its original colour.

[candidfan]

Men Have Geylang.
Gay's have Desker & Changi.
Women have Sex Toy Shops.

[asdfghjkl]

but both need money ler.. kekeke

[bhoven]

Do you know that SEX is:

1) duty if done with your wife
2) art if done with your lover
3) education if done with a virgin
4) science if done with a fertile woman
5) business transaction if done with a prostitute
6)social work if done with one you don't love
7)charity if done with a widow
8)and scarifice if done with your own hand!

Have a great Monday....