Quotes and facts to share

[Ash_Christiano]

30 THINGS TO SAY WHEN STRESSED AT WORK!

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!"

2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."

3. "Well, this day was a total waste of make-up."

4. "Well, aren't we a fuckin' ray of sunshine?"

5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

6. "EXCUSE ME...Do I look like a people person?"

7. "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting!"

8. "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."

9. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."

10. "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts
of self-control?"

11. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to
sleep yet."

16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

20. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"

21. "Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done."

22. "Ambivalent? Well, yes and no."

23. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

24. "Earth is full. Go home."

25. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

29. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!"

30. "Jeez!!! Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

[Ash_Christiano]

Quotes about Life

Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just stand there.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.

I am having an out of money experience.

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

[Ash_Christiano]

Prison vs Work


IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. AT WORK...you have to share.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic. AT WORK...they are called managers.

[Ash_Christiano]

01) Confucius said, "Squirrel who run up woman's leg surely won't find nuts.

02) When I was born, I got a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember which one I chose...

03) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.


04) My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.

05) Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

06) There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop ... unless they are used together.

07) Panties are not the best thing on earth; they're next to the best thing on earth.

08) There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

09) Virginity can be cured.

10) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand.

11) I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

13) Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

14) Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your
31/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

15) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men
still sleep with their wives !!!

16) Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

17) A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......

18) Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

19) Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with
everyone except you.

[Ash_Christiano]

Pick up lines

1) If I followed you home, would you keep me?
2) There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
3) [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
4) Hey… somebody farted. Let's get out of here
5) What was that sound?" "It was the sound of my heart breaking.
6) Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
7) Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
8) What would you do if I kissed you right now?
9) I felt that you are fortunate because you have a choice of loving me or not loving me while i only have the choice of loving u or loving you even more

[see see only]

Originally Posted by Ash_Christiano

Pick up lines

1) If I followed you home, would you keep me?
2) There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
3) [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
4) Hey… somebody farted. Let's get out of here
5) What was that sound?" "It was the sound of my heart breaking.
6) Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
7) Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
8) What would you do if I kissed you right now?
9) I felt that you are fortunate because you have a choice of loving me or not loving me while i only have the choice of loving u or loving you even more

Finally these sentences i understand and can appreciate, good job. U dont sound local, if true, u must improve u singlish liao

[japboy]

i like one of George Best's Quote e best...

"I used to go missing a lot... Miss World, Miss UK, Miss Brazil, etc...".... kekeke

[new30]

"You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more than you need them."
- Ari Gold of Entourage

"You fire a guy, you create a rival. You fire a woman, you create a housewife."
- Ari Gold of Entourage

"Affairs are easier of entrance than of exit; and it is but common prudence to see our way out before we venture in."
- Aesop

[Castrol]

one of the best quotes i read this week...

Roy Keane on Rio Ferdinand:
he earns 120,000 pounds a week, plays well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, and he thinks he's a star...

Roy Keane used to be the highest paid player in England at 50,000 pounds a week at one time many years ago, and he never stopped telling Ferguson what to do since.

[extremeX]

very interesting quotes! wonderful...

[Ash_Christiano]

Originally Posted by japboy

i like one of George Best's Quote e best...

"I used to go missing a lot... Miss World, Miss UK, Miss Brazil, etc...".... kekeke

Haha.. Nice one bro..