Tales of 2 Women, Love and Lust

[relaxguy]

Dear Brothers and all,
Firstly, I would like to sincerely say sorry to those who will be disappointed as there will not be any erotic materials in this threat.

Please let me introduce myself. I am in my late 20s, going to get engaged and married and have been on and off here a lot, reading and getting tips from all the brothers here even though I have nothing much to contribute yet.

I have a problem here which I hope anyone here can help. Any help is good because I think I am really stupid to be caught in the middle of 2 women. I hope that any kind brothers here will be able to give their opinion and hope that these words would wake me up from this dreamlike state that surronds me. If I am a bastard, or have done something wrong, I hope you have the kindness to show me, so that I will not bring the same harm again to anyone or myself again.

I thank you all those who have read so far and I will explain the situation now.

I met and got to know a Shanghai girl(A) who is average in looks and we are together for 1.1/2 years. I was based in Shenzhen and thus fly frequently and I met her through work. Honestly speaking through the heart, intially I felt she was the one for me and I had intented to marry her. She was very devoted, and I can honestly say that she would go all out to please me, to wait for me, encourage me, even support me when I am financially strained (now I realize how much). I was also devoted at that time and we would go for weekends together and even visits me often in Singapore and vice versa. Our love is such that I even waited 3 days at an airport as there is a typhoon and she waited for me at the airport... She is no good digger, as I have tested many times and she will give in to my every wimp and taste, even when she knows sometimes when I am wrong. I write her poems, go to phuket etc etc. many happy memories.

However, my family does not like her, since she is from prc and we being singaporeans. Also her family is not very compatible and since I am doing some small buz of my own, I was beginning to feel the stress, as she is working and could not offer me much buz help and beginning of buz this year was stressful and demanding. Then comes B who is rich, pretty, smart and able to help me. I fell in love with her too, i know it sounds crazy, but I think there are many who could fall in love with 2 at the same time.

Anyways, long words short talk, we decided to get engaged end of this year, as our family background are similiar. B is from a good family and will be able to be a good wife and a good business partner. I am also able to be comfortable with B.

I continue to meet both A and B, and A knew about B but B did not know about A. However despite not being together, B is always treating me very similiar to the way when we are together, even though I broke up with her. We sleep together, eat together when I am in Shanghai. A is still the only one who could make me feel at ease with myself, and sex with her is top notch, and I dont think i can find someone to top her. sex with B is ok, but not as exciting as A, unfortunately.

However, all these changed during a business trip. I called A late one night and then the 1st time in her life, she told me she is with friend and will call me later. Later on, she confessed that she is on a date with X. Although I should be happy for her, I am not. However, I am now with B and I have no right to question A. A still say that she wants to be the same person to me always, however, all is changing, as I sensed something changing...

anyways, to cut short the story, in the last 3 days, many things changed, so fast that even I was unable to digest and comprehend. She starts lying to me. She told me she is going on buz meetings, but she slipped her mind and later told me she went on lunch date with X last thurs. Then things start to go out of a pattern she normally follows. For 3 consercutive nights, she went missing and the phone was left ringing for a long time, something that was impossible since we are together, returning calls after 12pm. She later claimed she went dancing (bachelette party), go out to dinner with her girl friends without bring her phone, something she never did before.

Tonight, it was even stranger.She told me she was going shopping and then ice skating by sms, then when i called her and talk to her, the events was in reverse. Also, she claimed she is going with her cousins with 1 i know and 2 others i dont know. there is a time gap between the time she calls me and get home, about 3 hours. i am guessing she has been calling mr x and going out with him for the last few nights. How practical and "xianshi". And I can strongly sense that she is putting a big gap between us.

The issue here is this:
I am actually holding back on the engagement becoz I really think that A could be worth it, but the way events are turning out, i am not so sure anymore. I actually told A about this, but then she just suddenly hangs up the phone and power off it, something that she has never done in the 1,1/2 years together. Seriously wrong...

My logic is this.
1)she started lying so much i can catch, so i think its a bad sign.
2)her attitude changed and many changes in her life pattern
3)B is a good wife material, and I love her enough to marry her. However, why do I feel sour hearted when I hear and see A doing these things like going on dates etc?
4)I am seriously considering postponing the engagement for A.

My idea is :

forget about A, and get on with B. But I cannot forget A and are seriously considering postponing or cancelling the engagement, but with the way A is, isn;t it even worse?
Also, B truly loves me and have no idea of this.


Help!
1)Do any of the brothers here agree? If not any other suggestions? Any alternative views on things?

All critisim are welcome. I am an idiot to land myself in this shoe.

My future happines will be based on the veiws I get here, and I thank everyone in advance.

- Thanks for reading and I hope to have some response.
A guy who wish to do the right thing.

[tungsten]

Was in similar situation before...

There is a million girls out there who is GF material.

It is only ONE out of million (and Boy I think I am being optimistic here) for someone who is of Wife material.

It is next to impossible to salvage a relationship when it reach a state of constant lying.

Cool down and think, will you be able to love her the same way you once did before A do all this?

From another perspective, A is not wrong to seek out her own happiness too.

If you are B, will you want to marry this man who constantly postpone wedding date? What will you do (if you are B) when you find out the REAL reason why this guy postpone the date?

There is thousands and one bro here who have problems with their marital sex life. They stayed with them because they love their wife. You should count your blessings if your sex life is at least average with B.

Of course, I cannot guarantee that sex life after marriage with B is going to stay average but I like to state that neither can you guarantee that it will be fantastic with A after marriage too.

Be a man, bite the bullet and cut losses.

Think with your small head when you find a GF.

THINK with your BIG head when you find a wife.

[hum_sub_loh]

Originally Posted by relaxguy

My future happines will be based on the veiws I get here, and I thank everyone in advance.

Very stupid to make a decision from forum responses, especially a sex forum

But to your question, fuck A and marry B. You said it yourself, A is a better fuck and now that she's starting to see X, just get sexy with A and make sure B doesn't know about A or X

[relaxguy]

sorry if it sounds stupid to ask advice here, but i dont think i will get any good advice from my usual pool of buddies as they are not at this "playing field level".

Thing is A is going to stop being sexy with me, as X is coming into the picture. She is offering we can be "best friends" type, which I feel is a letdown.

Also, the fact that we broke up last week and then she is seeing X dims my opinion of her directly.... wonder what she does behind my back.

[soshiok]

bro relaxguy,

i think urs is a typical case of human greed, wanting what u can't get. imagine if it's B that is starting to treat u differently, as in not being so nice anymore... then i think u'll expedite the wedding and try to hold on to her faster.

however, it's the reverse scenario whereby A is avoiding u or changing so u just want to cling on. simply wanting ur cake and eat it too. don't force it, since u know tt it's better for her to move on, then as the chinese saying goes: 'hao lai hao chue'

from a objective pt of view, i think B is more suitable for u. many reasons like family bkground compatible, able to click and help u in ur biz, some more pretty... but most imptly, i think u love her too (right???). and if u're holding bk becos sex with A is better than B, then i think u're making a huge mistake cos sex is just a part of marriage. so what if sex is good but everything else fails. as the other bro said, many girls are GF material, ie sex is fantastic, but VERY VERY FEW are wife material.

if u really love B as u mentioned and u think she makes a good wife, then there's really nothing else to consider. go on and tie the knot. postponing a wedding is very bad for a relationship and if u do it, then things will be different.

i seldom post here but i hope this advice helps. good luck bro!

[relaxguy]

bro soshiok,
thank you for your awakening words. I am really

I really wish I have the will to carry this out, as even after we broke off, we were behaving as usual... only B is added into the pictures.

Like I say, the changes in the last week is so dramatic and sudden, I cannot even start to digest it. One moment, truly lovers, the next moment, avoiding like the plague. Very very sudden change.

Anyways, any good solutions to getting over this in the quickest time possible? I am trying to talk more to B, focusing and directing my attention and focus on her, but still, after that, the sour feeling still sneaks in....

[hyundai42]

.bro relexguy,
i hv been posted to shanghai for the past 4 years and having a prc GF
is a "trading biz". it's $$$ at the end of the day, although no all prc gals are money minded and materialistic but i would put the nos. at 90%. i saw fellow friend's GF being two timers friends, it seems to be a common practice in china. if A can't get u to commit , then she will not waste time on u. u should be lucky if she can let u off easily w/o causing trouble ( remember she knew abt B present).
go on with yr life with B and if A is still available as a "bestfriend" , fine just screw her.
good luck bro.

[ken_v2]

B. fuck A.. literally.

[relaxguy]

HI Bro,
I just talked to A, it is really amazing... from first meeting X last friday, they have started hold hands yesterday, just 11 days. Even the words used are different today... "we 2 are busy". "as long as he wants".

Its really interesting, that I am not really mad, but kinda more calm, as at least I know what was going on.

Now, I can analyse that since this is the case, I can practically say that A and X are together, and that I have become a 3rd party.

I think what I will do now is slowly move away ...

Maybe its a blessing in disguise...

I thank all bros here for your advice...

[Feli]

sometimes it boils down to a matter of who you cannot get immediately, that you will want more.. regardless if it is practical or not!

human nature

[Eric22]

[QUOTE=relaxguy]I think what I will do now is slowly move away ...

Maybe its a blessing in disguise...QUOTE]

Bro, glad that u had come to terms with all your 'problems'. Time will heal your wound.

Cheers...

[rangerLone]

Sorry Bros,,,just confused...you are going to engage and married? So are you married or engaged? If you are married...why are you able to postpone your engagement....

From what you have wrote...IMHO..A is alright just that she knew you have B and tried to get away from you with X. Maybe no X...have you seen X before???

Anyway..most importantly...do you love B ??? Don't marry out of convenient, since you still young. Men at late 20s is still very young.

[verisio]

Bro relaxguy,

Please please please use your big head when it comes to marriage. You can whore around n enjoy all ur dicky pleasures. But when it comes to marriage, better better choose properly this partner for life. She shud strengthen u in all aspects, she should be a solid pillar of support to give you guiding direction in your life and career. I have seen a number of my frens marry wrong pple. They were good gf/bf material but sadly they fail to make the mark when it comes to serious marriage material. Please get your priorities right.

There's nothing wrong with what A is doing. Let it go... Just let it go. She deserves to find her own happiness with X. If better, just cut contact for some time then resume it when you are more stable and do keep the distance

You know B is better and a solid woman of wifey material. You know she comes from a good family background and can help you in your life, your personal self and your biz. So use your big head to think. As for the sex issue, dun say that it's not as exciting coz have you tried to explore more stuff with her? Maybe the sexual chemistry betw u 2 have not been explored enough. Or her engine is not at its peak? Hey some bros here dun have any sex from their wives at all man... that's worse! Even if worst comes to worst, your sex life is dead with B, you can alwaz whore outside (though i'm strongly discouraging this), but remember you are marrying B for the woman she is.

Get your priorities and goals right in life bro!

[mscucky]

Originally Posted by relaxguy

Dear Brothers and all,



. She was very devoted, and I can honestly say that she would go all out to please me, to wait for me, encourage me, even support me when I am financially strained (now I realize how much). I was also devoted at that time and we would go for weekends together and even visits me often in Singapore and vice versa. Our love is such that I even waited 3 days at an airport as there is a typhoon and she waited for me at the airport... She is no good digger, as I have tested many times and she will give in to my every wimp and taste, even when she knows sometimes when I am wrong. I write her poems, go to phuket etc etc. many happy memories.

. B is from a good family and will be able to be a good wife and a good business partner. I am also able to be comfortable with B.

I continue to meet both A and B, and A knew about B but B did not know about A.

A loves u alot. but i seriously feel that u can't blame her at all. she has been loving u. now that she is pulling out, u start to appreciate n wonder why this n that ? n worse, i guess it's too late to realise how much she has been supportive....

come and think about it i feel she is distancing herself coz of the grief she is suffering inside since she knew about B. she has offered u love, support n sex..


supporting u emotionally during bad times while u are cash tight n so forth, think this are good signs of her unconditional love for u. but instead of protecting her love for u, u went to B . she can't understand all these. she is trying to forget u by being outward.

u r lucky that A is very understanding so that u can be with B

u should be lucky that she haven't hate u.... she is in deep pain now.

A has sacrifise alot for u.

maybe she feels she can't give u the happiness u want.

Thus, she is leaving u silently so that u can be with B .....


Whether u can find the same happiness from B... it's hard to say. A and B are two different individual. mayb Yes, mayB NO ? all i can say u can't find A exactly coz A is A and B is B.

perhaps B can help u this and that, but can B fill up ur heart as A? when u r at bad times, will B be able to stand by u as A ? maybe B can fulfill ur emotional needs too? maybe B can make up in other ways....

i really dunno....whether A or B, it all depends how u appreciate them. maybe if C comes, B will be like A ?


above are my personal opinions. no offence. dun be angry. hopefully u find a wise solution. search ur heart and mind.

don't blame A as A is not bad. A is behaving in such a way OUT of ur action.



this is a triangle caused by u.


i feel B is also innocent. she will be deeply hurt if she knew about u n A.

i salute A for having the courage to exit so u can be with B.

u shouldn't be angry and accept and respect A's decision... can still be good friends right? if not good memories....

she must have felt that she can't make u happy... though u will lose A to other man, at least u still have B...

[relaxguy]

Hi all bros,
firstly, thank you for your answers. given me a worldly insight into doing the right things...

I will be getting engaged first in december, then wedding next year.

latest updates...
I maybe crazy, but I actually told her I was willing to give up the engagement for her ( I am) . There are many other conditions or obstacles between us previously. My/her parents hated us together and through business and life, try to seperate us.

It might sound drama, but what happened is that to please our parents and acheive my buz goals first, i had to break up with her first, but I cannot tell her, coz she will not act "real". It went on for 6 months, and when i told her i am getting engaged ( didnt tell her why), i think at this time, her heart died. At the same time, I have to keep up the image so that the buz goes on...

the engagement is part of a plan to seal up 2 prominent buz alliance, but inside me i was not really willing. I had planned to call it off once the economic benefits starts coming in. hack care about the consequences. A really mean alot to me. A has seen me through my worst times, keeping me company even when I have no a single cent in my pocket, supporting me when I am really down and out. When I met with failure, she is the one who gave me strength to go on. My mistake her is not telling A about this plan of mine, breaking her heart. In fact, my plan is to be together with A. In fact, all the strategies are planned for being with A.

I was planning on making a trip to shanghai as soon as possible to meet her, as I had made up my mind previously and had bought a diamond ring to propose to her when i see her... until last wednesday when I found out A has given up... and got together with X.

Retribution on me. my first thought. Hahahah ( bitter laughter, tears coming out man... ) All these eleborate plan is to get my buz on steady grounds, then pick my own destiny when I have the means. however, at the end, i lost the very thing that I set out to do, being with A. I dont feel sad, sometimes even that I dont deserve A. She would do everything for me, even running in the rain to get food for me. Sometimes, she will help me to print materials for me beside me late at night, while I will be talking on the phone with B... quite a bastard, am I?

A told me that bascially she has given up hope on us upon hearing the engagement, and that she will never be able to be with me, even if she wanted to. she sees too many obstacles and such, has accepted the fact that we are never going to be together, and that her future life may lie with X... even if it is second best. She feels he might be able to give her a simple life and what a simple, smart, intelligent woman needs. She only love me in her life, but she knows maybe she has a future with B. She hopes someone (maybe X) will be able to propose to her one day.

Last night, I finally/truly understand the phrase, "you never marry the one you love most". Sad, bitter, but true.

In fact, she mentioned that fate has played a joke on us, becoz she has been trying so hard for 6 months ( she did trust me) to keep the faith, and when she finally gave up, what she wanted so hard was right in front of her... but she cannot accepted it anymore...

I laughed alot, bitter laughter. I realized that I tried to fool everyone, in the end, I only fooled myself....basically, I got my just desserts...

me and A talked about it last night... we drawn a clear line.. she will go on with X and me with B. But when we are together, it will be as before... except that there is no overnight stayover at my place.

I am actually quite happy about this development, but at the same time, I know its very temporary. She still misses me and calls me, but then both X and B dont know about us... it feels.... exciting and yet comfortable at the same time... we are not together becoz of my family, but our feelings are not dead. She complains that although she like X, he is nice, have steady job but being with him is ... passionless.
My parting songs for her was 怨苍天变了心。。。yuan cang tian bian le xin, becoz I find it so appropriate for now... we both cried so much last night... the lyrics stands for so much of what we both feel and understand... hope to share with some of the bros here...

如果让我遇见你而你正当年轻
用最真的心换你最深的情
如果让你遇见我而我依然年轻
也相信永恒是不变的曾经

如果让我离开你而你已能平静
只愿你放心也不要你担心
如果让你离开我假装我也平静
就算是伤心也当作是无心

时空阻隔岂止长路迢迢
情丝缠绕岂是长发飘飘
那红尘俗世的人
为什麽总是多情惹烦恼

本是云该化作雨投入海的胸襟
却含著泪水任孤独的飘零
本是属於我的你同把人生看尽
却无缘再聚怨苍天变了心

We promised that towards outside, we will go on, but between us, our pure and clean love remains forever.

Her last email to me...
仓促间，太多的誓言，已来不及兑现。以后你不必再说想我，欠着的没说够的爱我，如今我不会再追讨。如果世间 种种，终必成空。怀念中每一个深情的拥抱将日渐单薄，而记忆里你的样子也会慢慢模糊。那么就这样老去吧。笑 过、哭过、都有痕迹，那沧桑正在蔓延。

深深的爱过之后再别离，心里应该没有遗憾。

Sorry everyone, I have to go bathroom now... tears in my eyes, not good in the office... sorry